The Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding (And Why Your Best Teachers Need You to Have It)

“Difficult conversations become more difficult the longer you delay them.” — John C. Maxwell

I want you to think about the conversation you’ve been putting off.

Maybe it’s the teacher whose classroom management has been deteriorating all semester. Maybe it’s the veteran who pushes back on every initiative you introduce. Maybe it’s the toxic colleague operating in the shadows—never directly insubordinate, just quietly undermining everything.

In Chapter 10 of The Principal’s Leadership Journey, I share two stories that shaped how I think about difficult conversations. Let me give you a glimpse of one.

Mrs. Twilley and Mr. Harmon

Mrs. Twilley was middle-aged, beautiful, with the sweetest disposition you could imagine. Parents loved her. Colleagues enjoyed her company. She showed up every day with a smile and genuine commitment. She also didn’t have a clue. Her classroom was in constant chaos, and she seemed completely unaware. Students talked over her, wandered the room, threw paper wads—and she just kept teaching as if everything was fine.

Then there was Mr. Harmon—fifteen years at the school, longer than any teacher, longer than the last three principals combined. Smart, experienced, and absolutely toxic. He never challenged me directly. That would have been easier. Instead, he rolled his eyes during faculty meetings. Whispered to colleagues as I spoke. Held court in the teacher’s lounge, picking apart every initiative before it had a chance to take root.

Two very different situations. One conversation required compassion. The other required courage. Both required me to stop avoiding the truth.

Why We Avoid and What It Costs

Maxwell’s Law of Solid Ground reminds us that trust is the foundation of leadership—and trust erodes when leaders avoid the truth. Your staff knows when something isn’t right. When you don’t address it, they don’t think you’re being kind. They think you’re either blind or unwilling to lead.

Here’s what I’ve learned coaching principals: your best teachers are watching. When you tolerate mediocrity or toxicity, they lose trust in you. And eventually, they leave—not because of the toxic colleague, but because you didn’t deal with the toxic colleague.

A Framework for Courage and Compassion

The book walks you through a detailed approach, but here’s the core principle: connect before you correct. Maxwell teaches us that leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand. Every hard conversation should begin with genuine appreciation for the person and the relationship.

With Mrs. Twilley, I started with what I genuinely valued about her. Then I asked how she thought things were going. She admitted she knew there were problems. I was honest: “This role doesn’t seem to be what you’re cut out to do.” She cried. The next day she offered her resignation. She didn’t need me to be harsh. She needed me to be clear.

With Mr. Harmon, I came with documentation—specific dates, specific behaviors, specific impacts. No generalizations he could dismiss. I acknowledged his fifteen years of expertise and told him his influence could build people up instead of tearing initiatives down. The choice was his.

He didn’t change. By spring, with a clear documentation trail, he was placed on an improvement plan. He chose to retire.

Your Challenge This Week

You know the conversation you need to have. Block 20 minutes on your calendar. Lead with genuine appreciation. Be specific about the behavior and its impact. Be clear about what needs to change. Offer support. Set a follow-up date.

The version of you on the other side of that conversation is a stronger, more credible leader. And the teachers who are watching? They’ll notice.

“The hardest part wasn’t the final conversation. It was all the conversations I avoided before I found the courage to lead.” — The Principal’s Leadership Journey, Chapter 10

Dr. Jeanne C. Ford is the author of The Principal’s Leadership Journey: Conquer Challenges, Inspire Others, Transform Schools, available now on Amazon. She coaches school leaders nationwide through JFord Equips. For speaking, training, or coaching inquiries, visit jfordequips.com/contact.

School Success Data

Reduce your office referrals; increase your scores

The success of Time To Teach has been published in Leadership magazine. Read Order in the Classroom, a published article written by Kelly Graham, National Director at the Center for Teacher Effectiveness and Elsbeth Prigmore, high school principal. Time To Teach is a consistent classroom management system that saves instructional time and improves school climate.
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“During my first two years as principal of Clark Street Elementary School, we experienced over 300 office referrals and over 150 out-of-school suspensions! This year we implemented Rick’s strategies and so far we have only had two office referrals in six weeks!”

John Hargrove, Principal, Clark Street Elementary, North Carolina

“Lawton Public Schools is a lower socioeconomic school district in Oklahoma that services 17,000 Pre-K through 12th grade students, over half of which are minority. Twenty-nine of our thirty-five schools were trained using the Time To Teach strategies, affecting more than 11,000 children. Following training, we experienced a 16% decrease in suspensions and office referrals and a dramatic decrease in pupil enrollment for Behavior Intervention and Behavior Disorder classes. We have also seen a 9% increase in test scores and none of our schools are on the school improvement list for No Child Left Behind.”

Billy Davis, Executive Director Elementary Education, Lawton Public Schools, Oklahoma

“We have used the Time To Teach strategies for eighteen years! These strategies allowed me to get into the classrooms and help teachers instead of having to deal with a line of students awaiting discipline intervention. Time To Teach truly delivers on its promise to gain back valuable teaching time that is so often lost to matters of discipline.”

Lynette Hedden, Retired Principal, Richland, Washington

“The number of student referrals in our middle school has dropped 30% on average, every year over the past three years. It is because of Time to Teach that I can say with pride, “Every day I teach!”

Keith Johnson, Teacher/Technology Director, Reading Community Schools, Michigan

“I have seen some of my students move up from Special Education and Title Programs to achieve at grade level performance. My referrals have been eliminated. Students that were never able to do so before are now meeting benchmark standards and making dramatic gains in reading and writing fluency. After 19 years as an educator, I finally have Time To Teach with care and compassion.”

Libba Sager, Elementary Teacher, Toledo Elementary, Oregon

“I have seen a 15 point gain in math and science scores on the state standardized test, which helped our school meet its AYP/API, and I have not sent a single student to the office all year. Time To Teach has helped me successfully teach second language learners, children with ADD, ADHD, Tourettes, learning disabilities, disenfranchised youth, and impoverished students.”

James Turner, Middle School Teacher, Lompoc, California

“At Lompoc Valley Middle School, the referral numbers for class disruption were reduced by 62% using Time to Teach strategies, and Lompoc High School’s referral numbers were lower than those of the rival high school for the first time ever.”

Carrie Chase, High School Counselor, Lahainaluna High School, Hawaii

“Pioneer Continuation High School has our district’s highest number of at-risk 11th and 12th grade students. Using the Time to Teach blueprint, we saw school suspensions drop from 39% to 18% over a three-year period, in-house suspensions cut in half, and significant increases in passing rates on the California High School Exit Exam and other student achievement measures. Overall, the school has experienced a positive, systemic cultural change.”

Elsbeth Prigmore, Principal, Pioneer Continuation High School, California